Go deep. You are not alone.

I´ll never be content with the surface of things. So often we hold ourselves from going deep because we are scared it may be more than we can handle or worry what people might think. But we will grow so much more from it. Exposing our hearts is not weakness. It´s bravery. It´s authenticity. It´s love.

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I know it can be scary some times. We all have felt that. I know i´d been criticized after sharing my personal writings several times. And i know maybe i expose too much my heart. But i believe that when we share our stories of vulnerability, we send hope to the world. The surface may be a comfortable place, but connection is formed in the depths.

When you guys reach out to me and share your stories of sorrow, my heart aches. I wish i could hug you and i feel so frustrated when i can´t. So the one thing i can do is to give you my words. It surely doesn´t feel like enough. I wish i could take away your pain and solve it all. But my words are part of who i am, so i offer them to you with all of my heart. I want to use them for the rest of my life to let you know you are NOT alone. We are all in this messy life together.

You are my people. I see you. I believe in you. So tell me anything. Tell me everything. I am not in this world to make small talk. Talk real to me. I am here for you. I want to be a reminder that it is okay to share what you are feeling inside. Your voice is needed and it matters. A lot. 💛

Thanks, 2016

WHAT A YEAR!!!!!! One of the most special years i have ever lived. Not exactly because it was an easy one; in fact, this year started with such a pain in the heart i thought i couldn´t make it. All i wanted was to cry and hide. But God never left my side. He was there all the time, listening to my prayers and making plans for my life. He took my hand and carried me when i wanted to give up. He hugged me through my family and friends´ arms. The ones that never left me alone. The ones that made everything that was on their hands to make me smile. The ones i love with my whole heart. So yes, i went through some of the hardest experiences of my life but i learned things about myself and the world that have changed me forever. I never could have imagined all the plans God had for me this year. All the yellow that He sent to my life.

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For first time, i decided to follow a call i have felt for years… i started my blog and through that i won the most precious gift i could ever think of: connection. I had the chance to connect my own story with the most fascinating stories from people around the world. I began authentic friendships and rediscovered my passion which is to write, to listen and to share our hearts. Then, God blessed me enough for fulfilling a strong desire of my heart: going to the WYD!!!! I had the time of my life, exploring a wonderful country with the most beautiful people that crossed my road. I made friendships that will last a lifetime. And i made a new family at the other side of the world. But i also loved coming back and enjoying my family and home. A family that loves purely. A family that is always there in the ups and downs. I encountered old friends and made new ones along the way. I learned so much from the people that i know. I finished the hardest subject of my career and didn´t even shed a tear (yep, i am incredibly proud of it). I read my favorite books and shared them with the most special people in the world. Last but definitely not least i found a wonderful guy that stole my heart so fast in ways i could never dream of. But most of all, i fell in love with Jesus with all that i am and realized He loves me back and will never let me down.

So definitely this year wasn´t what i planned. Because that is just how God works. He surprises us in ways we could never even pray for. This year was incredibly perfect and i can´t help but cry when i think of all the blessings that He filled it with. My heart is happy. Excited. Whole. I just can give thanks and scream: How wonderful is to be alive!!

I wish you all that 2017 will be the happiest year of your life. Thank you for your constant love and support. You bless me in more ways than you could know.

All the LOOOOOVEEEE to you my dear yellow readers!!!! Big big hugs!! 

Truly yours,

Carola💛

Let your leaves fall!!

There is something about this tree that captures my heart. The way it stands firm and tall even after all its leaves have gone. The leaves that adorned it before are not there anymore. This tree is vulnerable and raw, but its beauty is still there. It speaks about honesty and courage and reminds me the importance of letting our “leaves” go away (those things that we use to protect ourselves or to hide who we are inside).

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But there is something we should all know: standing emotionally naked in front of people is not weakness. In fact, one of the best things we can do is to share what we are going through. It isn´t always easy. People judge so easily. But we need to pour our hearts out to the world and be vulnerable in order to have genuine relationships. We need to stand firm even when our “leaves” fall. If we are constantly scared of showing our fears, our imperfections and stories, we end up losing so much more. We end up losing the chance to experience true connection. True love. It’s only when we stop covering ourselves and let our souls be exposed, that we are most capable to love in the purest form.

So don´t cover or harden yourself. Let your ornaments go away. There is so much beauty inside of you that the world needs to see. Your story is needed!!! Let´s be real and bring back authenticity. 💛

Dance, Dragonfly!

This is a poem i wrote for my sister inspired by dragonflies (the symbol of our sisterhood), hoping she realizes how special she is to my heart.

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Maris: you are my bosom friend, my inspiration, the most beautiful ballerina and my favorite person in the world. I love you more than you will ever know. 💛


DANCE, DRAGONFLY

It was a magical kind of day

during the middle of May.

A little girl found herself alone

bathed in rays of glorious gold.

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She smelled the scent of spring,

enjoying the feeling of the breeze.

Utterly charmed by this pleasant land

she felt magic was swirling around.

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Flowers bloomed and their colors shined

forming sweet canopies on every side.

Trees seemed to whisper her name

and the river sang across the lane.

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Surrounded by bees and birds

graciously flying in the air,

she found herself in paradise,

delighted by the nature´s charm.

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She was thrilled with excitement,

as no one was there to calm her.

She jumped and danced all around

while soft little petals fell to the ground.

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She walked through fields of flowers

that were as tall as towers.

Everything took away her breath,

like on a childhood fairy tale.

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She was having so much fun

trying to chase the sun,

and she promised herself that the golden rays

would always remind her the best of her days.

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She closed her eyes and sighed

for her whole soul was satisfied.

She was sure she had found “her place”,

even better than the outer space.

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She was lost in the blueness of the sky,

when she saw something that captured her eye.

Under the clouds there was a dragonfly;

a tiny creature she never saw in her life.

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It looked like a fairy with its fragile wings,

lovingly dancing on the wind.

“Is there anything more enchanted than this?” she asked,

trying to follow it while she gasped.

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She thought she had wandered into a dream,

as it was a beauty she had never seen.

But poor little girl didn´t realize

that some of those thoughts were actually right.

***

A sugary melody filled the air

but it didn´t seem to come from that place.

Everything slowly started to blur

so she realized she was waking up.

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She tried to dive back into her dreams,

for it was a bliss she forever would miss.

Her tries didn´t work so she opened her eyes

and saw on the clock it was close to midnight.

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She burst into tears for her dear dragonfly;

her house was on darkness except for one light.

It was thrilling to find what was going out there,

so she searched and discovered a fairy silhouette.

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It was dancing alone with such a great poise

so she entered the place without raising her voice.

Step after step, doing pirouettes,

she found out that her sister was the dreamy silhouette.

***

Daring to reach the stars and the moon,

she jumps and she dances all across the room.

Her feet float above the marvelous sky;

she looks as ethereal as the dragonfly.

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Twirling and twirling, repeat and repeat,

gracefully moving her soft dancing feet.

She moves her long arms and looks very light,

creating a melody to embellish the night.

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For hours and hours her pointes didn´t stop,

creating a music like falling raindrops.

Little girl was admiring the most splendid scene

that nobody else could have ever seen.

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While she saw her sister´s mystical flow

all of her sorrows were suddenly gone.

Sweet ballerina, a masterpiece art

which presence could warm a cold gloomy heart.

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Her moves turn the place into an enchanted world,

too pretty and dazzling to put into words.

How wrong and mistaken was the little girl

when she thought that her dream was the very best pearl.

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So she learned a lesson pretty worth keeping

for she knows that she, can dream without sleeping.

Wrongly she thought she found “her place” before,

cause her very real joy is located at home.

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Now she knows there is poetry in the mundane delights,

for she saw ballerina and her bright shining light.

She also realized where her dreamy heart lies,

perhaps ballerina is a real-life dragonfly.

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Little girl knows she is lucky for getting the chance

to have her as sister and watch to her dance. 

Being with ballerina is a darling pleasure,

and always will be her most cherished treasure.

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Your sister and biggest fan,

Carola 💛

Daniel: a godly soul!

Let me tell you about Daniel, a soul that has come to bless my life. I got to know him during a mission trip (one of the things that fills the most our hearts), and as soon as i saw him i realized he was the kind of person that carried light all around. One simply cannot pass by without seeing his smile; one of the brightest most genuine smiles a person could have. One that reflects what he has inside.

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Daniel is a great guy who is always giving more and more of himself. He is attentive to the need and passionate about changing people´s lives, especially the young ones. He is a fearless leader with a humble and graceful heart. He stands up for what is right and looks at the bright side of life. He has a free spirit and a fun sense of humor. He is never prideful. He is adventurous, gentle, strong, hard working and knows how to guide others through faith and love.

To be honest, i think any girl would be lucky to be with Daniel. I am sure he could have any job and achieve anything people usually dream about. But Daniel is unlike anyone else. He doesn´t set for worldly things cause his heart is focused on God. Some years ago he left it all to go and serve in South Sudan and he realized what his vocation was. I am sure it hasn´t been an easy thing to do at all, trusting and following God´s plans is not as simple as it sounds. But he is set on Love. He doesn´t let his doubts and fears take him away from his call. Today, he is already a pre-novice of the Salesians and i couldn´t be more proud of his enormous courage and heart. God is constantly using Daniel to remind me of the greater purpose we all have. Not the comfort or the fame but to serve and share love all over the world. To see life through an eternal perspective and embrace our call.

I still remember when i told him i had doubts about my own call he wrote me exactly this words: “I am always available and more than happy to talk! Just let me know. I think it is so important to have other people to talk to about everything and just be able to be open and honest”. Isn´t that what true friendship looks like? He selflessly sacrifices his time to help and makes you feel accepted and loved. After talking on skype that day i found out my heart felt so much peace inside. I knew i had come to the right place. He is the kind of friend who will pray for you and always point you back to Christ.

Daniel, you have been gifted with one of the most precious hearts. Never doubt about the power you have to change the world. Thanks for bringing Heaven to earth wherever you are. Thanks for serving the unseen, listening to me and encouraging my walk with God. There is so much i can learn from you and your relationship with Him. I can´t wait to see where He reunites us again, wether it is on another mission trip or enjoying the Northern lights. It´s been an absolute honor to meet you and i know you´ll be a friend for life. 💛


I ask for your support as he embarks himself in this journey. Let´s pray for him, that he will continue blessing many lives through his walk. I deeply encourage you to check out his blog; i have no doubts you will find a friend in him and be inspired by the pureness of his heart.

“You have to live the life you were born to live”

This is a post about one of my all time favorite movies: “The Sound of Music”. A movie that has the perfect combination for me; splendid sets and scenery, sassy children, pretty costumes, beautiful melodies and choreographies (i dream to learn that waltz one day), and Maria´s charming personality. And why not adding the fact that Julie Andrews is just perfect for the role, like seriously, who doesn´t love her?. 

The film opens with breathtaking scenes… from trees, to lakes and snow covered mountains, the camera takes you through an aerial view of the most majestic landscape. And then, it focus in a particular place; a green field where the camera slowly starts to zooms in, till we recognize the figure of a woman with wide-opened arms who is joyfully twirling across the hill; rejoicing in the beauty of the nature and the feeling of being fully alive…and then, the music starts!!!!!!! It is such an enchanting scene that will always make my soul sigh.

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And, as if that wasn´t perfect enough, this movie also has the perfect amount of romance for me. A romance where, contrary to most of nowadays films, the characters slowly and innocently fall in love.

This movie is based on a real story (even though it changes many facts), but is often seen as a very childish and non-sense film. Sure it is a very “pink story” but i think there´s so much more than that. Besides all the flowers and cheesy songs, there is also a very heartbreaking part. First of all, the fact that it is placed during the Anschluss (when Hitler annexed Austria), and then, there´s also Von Trapp´s loss of his wife and his inability to relate with his children, as well as Maria´s confusion (which i will mention again later).

So yes, it is indeed a very joyful movie but it has also its dark parts. It may have songs and choreographies that make it look very unrealistic, but hey, it is a musical, and beyond all that there is also a movie with a very deep and touching message inside.The film emphasizes how sometimes one needs to take very hard and sorrowful decisions (like leaving your beloved country) in order to fight for what you believe, and how standing for the good isn´t always the easy way but it is definitely the right thing to do. In the other hand, it also promotes family values and shows that kindness is the strongest force in the world!! Could something be more uplifting than that?.

I have seen this movie dozens of times and i don’t think i will ever get tired of it. One of the things i love the most is that every single time i do, i discover new life lessons on it!!! I could actually write pages and pages about it, but i will try to focus in the particular message that captured my heart as i watched it last night.

So, let´s go back “to the very beginning”… there´s this beautiful opening where we see Maria having a blast as she dances on the green hills. But suddenly, she sees the Abbey from the distance and remembers that she has to go back, so she runs to the convent and apologizes for arriving late to prayer time (once more).

Contrary to what we would think, the Mother Abbess doesn´t reprimand her; instead she talks to her and asks if she really feels monastic life is the right thing for her. Maria replies that she always felt that´s what she should do, but surprisingly the Mother Abbess seems to know more about her than Maria itself, so she asks her to leave the convent for some time in order to find out what she really wants. And that´s where Maria´s and Von Trapp´s stories will cross their paths, for she is sent with them to take care of his “mischievous” kids. Even though Maria was hesitant to the idea she has to obey the Mother Abess, so she leaves the convent and embarks herself on this new adventure, with her dress, hat, and a guitar on hand.

As the time passes, she starts getting more attached to the family and some feelings towards the Captain start growing in her heart, but she tries to avoid them focusing on the kids as much as she can. And it isn´t till the Baronesse (the woman Von Trapp is engaged to) talks with her about Von Trapp´s attraction towards her, when Maria realizes the depth of her feelings for him. She feels as she can´t bear it anymore so she decides to leave the house and runs back to the convent.

She returns filled with doubts and spends some days in solitude, trying to hide her feelings and clear up her mind. But eventually she has to go to the Mother Abbess, who is willing to know why she came back before it was planned. Maria confesses she couldn´t stay there any longer because she was confused and frightened in a way she never felt before. She says “i knew that here i´d be away from it. i’d be safe…i can’t face him again”, so after those words (which are clearly referring to the Captain) the Mother Abbess explains her that the monastery walls werent built to hide from the world.

Even though those are one of the most revealing words she could have said, Maria seems reluctant to them cause she feels as if the only way in which she could show her love for God was by becoming a nun. But the Mother Abbess explains her how married life is just as holy as monastic life, and that choosing the first one doesn´t mean she loves God any less, so she simply has to find out the way He has designed for her. 

She still begs to stay there, but thankfully the Mother Abbess doesn´t give up easily and  tells her the monastery isn´t a place to hide from her problems, and that instead she has to face them. So she suggests her to go back with the Captain and stay where her heart really is, and says one of my favorite (and most enlightening) quotes: “You have to live the life you were born to live”. Aren´t these powerful words?. And they are the ones i want to share with you today.

So if you are one of those who had enough patience to read till this point (thank you, you are one to admire haha), and is wondering what all of this has to do with you. Or if the thoughts that are crossing your mind look more or less like this: “seriously, she thought joining a convent would ever cross my mind..or that i could relate to a story as cheesy as that?”, then i have something to say to you.

My dear reader, as i think of the movie i ask myself, how many times i´ve been acting the same way as Maria, how many times i´m so obstinate thinking i have to do “that thing” because it is more “holy”, or “admired” or “easy”, instead of doing what i was really born to do.

I believe we all have our own “convent”, our refugee, the place where we hide ourselves from the world. Maybe our convent is a person, a relationship, a job, or even a material thing; it is where we feel safe or what we think we must cling to. But it is so very important to listen to ourselves and ask if what we are doing is really what we were called to do.

I wish this was as easy as it sounds, but the truth is that sometimes it is difficult to discover it by our own. We are sometimes so stubborn, that we may need the help of someone else who recognizes gifts inside us that we personally cannot see or loves us enough to found out we are going in the wrong direction. This is so very well expressed in the movie, cause if it wasn´t for the Mother Abbess (who saw Maria´s potential and realized she wasn´t really following her call) maybe she would have never taken the risk to go out of the convent.

When i ask others what would they think if Maria had never gone out and the whole movie took place inside the convent, they usually say they wouldn´t even watch the movie, that it would be too boring or it wouldn´t make sense at all. And that´s exactly what i think it would happen with our lives if we never did what we were called to do.

When i personally think of what would have happened if she didn´t go out of the convent, i imagine she would maybe have been happy or had a beautiful life as a nun, but she definitely wouldn´t be living it to the fullest. She wouldn´t be expressing her own gifts and pouring them to the world, cause she would have been in the wrong place just for the fear of facing her call. 

I believe we all have different gifts. Unfortunately, sometimes we see some gifts in others that we like, and so we want to do the same they do cause we wrongly think that´s an easier, more valuable or holy path. But the truth is God gave VALUABLE and unique gifts to everyone. And it would be such a waste if our fear made us too blind to use them along our lives.

As the movie teaches us, there are different ways to express love on this earth and we have to find our own. Sometimes it won´t be easy and it will probably take us out from our comfort zone, but just think about Maria for a moment and how much she would have lost if she never took the risk to embrace her call. So remember that “when the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window”; open your heart to listen to your own voice or the voice of those around you. If they tell you they don´t see you fully alive where you are at, take time to think if they could be in any way right.

So before i finish this very long text, i invite you to ask yourself two simple questions: First, are you genuinely happy doing what you do? and, second are you sure this is what you were called to do, or is it more what you think you should do?. And in case those questions were negative take a moment to ask yourself, when do you feel the happiest?. The answer is probably what this life is waiting for you to do.

I think this is one of the lessons the movie can teach to us: we see Maria, obstinate to stay at the convent, when the truth is that her gifts can´t be expressed inside the convent walls. Contrary to what she first thought, it is when she goes out that she brings much more light and love to the world and when she finds the ultimate joy.

Cause that is true; we are happiest when we do what we were called to do, what we´ve been gifted with. So today my wish for you is that you embrace your true calling, whatever it might be. I want nothing more than to know you are being the person God created you to be and that you are living the life YOU WERE BORN TO LIVE.

Sincerely yours,

Carola 💛


I want to dedicate this post to Br. Robert, a priest who passed away some months ago in a very unexpected way. A priest who was a big fan of this movie and who lived the life he was born to live to the fullest (even though it was a very short one). Thanks for having the courage to do so, thanks for inspiring and bringing life to others with your presence. I always imagine you singing and dancing all these lovely songs in heaven.

For these i pray!!

Dear Jesus,

Let Your light shine through my darkness.

Let my eyes see others the way You do.

Let my ears be ready to hear Your voice.

Let my mouth speak only graceful words.

Let my nose sense the miracle of every breath.

Let my hands be always ready to serve.

Let my feet walk in Your strength. 

Let my heart be humble.

Ley my mind be filled with kind thoughts.

Let my fears be blurred by faith.

Let my acts bring hope to the world.

Let my day start with joy and gratefulness.

Let my life be a celebration of Your love. 💛         

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Joanna: my kindred spirit!!

This is Joanna: an answered prayer wrapped up in person!! During the last months i fervently asked God to send me a kindred spirit, a friend who would inspire and encourage me, and this past summer He answered my prayers so beautifully. When i met this girl i knew i had found the friend i asked for; she was God´s way of telling me “i listened to you, my child”.

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Some weeks ago she texted me this quote: “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought that no one but myself” which sums up how our friendship looks like. As soon as we started talking we realized how much we had in common. From our mutual love for humanity, psychology, writing and traveling to our almost identical taste in movies, books and nearly everything else except for food (she is not an avid eater like me which i have no problem with cause that means more for me). 

Joanna is smart, hilarious, sweet, bold, loving, driven, truthful, independent, loyal, adventurous and strong (not to mention she is incredibly pretty). She loves watching series, nature, traveling and she recently started playing badminton. She has been my personal translator and comedian and is one of the best chess players in the world. She has big dreams and an even bigger heart. She is a deep thinker and a great listener who constantly tries to become the best version of herself. I could sit and listen to her wisdom all day. One of her friends made fun of us saying we should win the Guinness World Record for sending the “longest voice notes in the world”. And the truth is, there is nothing as exciting as listening to her voice.

The other day we were talking about death and she shared some of the most inspiring words i´ve ever heard. She said she could even die now because she knows she would be reunited with her Father. She said it without hesitation, it came straight from her heart; a fearless heart which is rooted in God and reflects it in the way she lives her life. 

Joanna, thank you for speaking truth into my life. Thank you for being real and letting me be real with you. Thank you for loving me and filling me with affirmative words. Thank you for listening to my endless stories and letting me talk for hours about my favorite book. Thank you for believing in me and supporting my crazy dreams. Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Thank you for always making me laugh. I hope one day you realize how incredibly beautiful you are. I am proud of you. I am proud of your authenticity, sincerity, loving heart and the way you seek God and truth all the time. You truly are a role model for anyone.

I can’t believe that only 3 months ago I didn´t know you. It´s simply AWESOME how God made us the bestest of friends in just a few weeks. I know we will continue to walk through life together and live many adventures, whether it is making figures in the snow, volunteering in Africa, living in Greece or anywhere in the world.

I can’t wait to see where your faith and love for God will take you. I can’t wait to see how many lives you will touch, how you are going to change the world. Thanks for being such a good influence in my life and inspiring me so much. You are proof that God hears our prayers and i feel so blessed to have you in my life. There is no one like you in this world. You will always be my beloved KINDRED SPIRIT.  💛 💜 💛 💜

God is bigger than your sins!

My life is full of sins, but if i told you about them all i could probably make an entire book! Yes i know, it is terrible. It is a part of me i wish didn´t exist or at least nobody knew. But i want to be open and honest and show you the very imperfect person i am. And for that i´ll tell you about a sin that has been especially hard for me to deal with. I hope you are sitting down, drinking a cup of coffee in the comfort of your house, in case you get terrified while reading the very sinful story of my life.

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The story starts with a boy. He was new at school and he easily turned into a friend for me. He was so very fun and intelligent and most of all he had a sensibility i never saw in a guy before. After some time of knowing each other we went camping with school and he told me he liked me in a more than friends way. Unfortunately, even though i adored this guy, the feeling wasn´t mutual. I saw him as a very good friend, just that.

Time made us more than good friends, we shared a bond that is hard to describe. We made a lot of fun of each other but we also spent hours having the most meaningful conversations on the phone. But even though we were very good friends this guy didn´t really give up on loving me as something more. I remember sometimes i wished i could make him happy but i guess i was too afraid of love. So we continued like that… we lived many incredible things together and shared the deepest parts of our hearts. But time passed by, and sooner or later this guy would end giving up on me (how not?). He started a relationship with one of my friends and i was actually very happy and relieved. But things didn´t go as good as i thought. His girlfriend wouldn´t like him to talk so much with me, so our friendship started to suffer a bit. It was so very hard for me cause i didn´t have any another friend that was quite like him, but i had to hide my feelings and try to continue with my life.

I did, and for many months it more or less worked. We just talked some insignificant words when we were around. It was hard but it was okay, this guy deserved to be happy with her. But slowly, we both started to talk a bit more again, we were both happy but it was difficult trying not to cause any problem for that. For some moments i said to myself it wasn´t right to be close to him and so we would stop talking again for several months. But eventually we both came back to each other. It was a cycle and i didn´t know how to get rid of that. I guess my heart wasn´t so strong.

There´s so much more in between these years, but i guess you are wondering what all of this has to do with my sin. So i´ll go to the point. He broke up with his girlfriend and came back to me. I was so scared and confused, and we both tried to stop it, but our hearts didn´t seem to listen to that.

I worried a lot over that and carried it alone cause i knew it wasn´t something good, i couldn´t share it with anyone. It was a time of so much confussion. He said i should start living and give a chance to love for once in my life, so after so many doubts i decided he was right. I also deserved to be happy and to love someone.

Some days it felt really good, but some days i felt as if we didn´t deserve to be happy together. Not because we didn´t love each other but because there was someone who could get hurt through it. But unfortunately i was so very weak and unmature that i couldn´t stand that.

We just couldn´t believe that after 3 years we still had feelings for the other one, so i started to think maybe he was “the one” and finally took the decission to give it a try. We both agreed that this would take a very long time, we would wait for at least six months (we were both going to live abroad for some time) and after coming back we would tell our friend and start with all that.

It wasn´t a very good plan, but i tried to make myself feel better thinking things like “no one chooses who to love” or “we can´t fight against true love”. I know they were just excuses to keep me sane, but i believed them and so they worked most of the time. 

But this plans never took on march. Unfortunately (or maybe luckily) our friend got to know it and so everything crashed. I remember i was out of the city while it happened so i didn´t know anything about that. When i came back and realized what happened i brought into tears and didn´t stop crying for a week. I felt so so ashamed and sad that i didn´t know what to do. We never did anything serious and we just saw each other like 2 times after he broke up with her, but anyway i knew it wasn´t something to be proud of.

The worst of all is that i realized instead of just me being sad (like it was previously), i ended up causing the three of us so much pain. For days i didn´t feel like myself, and my family didn´t know what to do to make me feel better. I felt so broken and i didn´t understand how something so “innocent” and pure as love could cause a situation as disgusting as that. I felt as the worst person alive.

After some days i knew i had to face what i´d done. I talked to my friends but i knew there was no way to justify it. I felt they would all hate me from that day on. I thought my life was not going to be the same after that. And i must confess that in some way i was right. I felt like a different person, i felt embarrassed of myself and so unworthy of God´s love. For many nights i couldn´t sleep and i prayed i could go back on time to erase all that. But i obviously couldn´t; the people i hurt was already hurt and i couldn´t forgive myself for that. It was a sin made out of love, but it was still a sin. It took years and lots of prayer to start forgiving myself.

I still would change things if i had the chance to go back on time, but as hard as it may sound, i don´t know if i should. It has burdened my heart for a very long time, but it is also a part of me now. Not because that´s the person i am, but because of it i can choose to never be that person again.

For a long time i let my sin define me. I labeled myself as a “bad friend”, “horrible person”, “weak girl” or any other negative adjective i found. But now i know all those labels weren´t right. The only label we should identify ourselves with is as “humans”. That´s why i don´t see “good” or “bad” people. I just see people. I see humans who make mistakes, but who also have goodness inside of them.

So what i want to say to you is that our sins don´t define who we are. Sure they mold and shape us, but they will never determine us. Even though i still pray every night i wouldn´t have caused pain to anyone, today i can say i am trying to learn to be grateful for my sins. Of course it is still something i regret and a part of me i´m very ashamed of. But thanks to that sin i´m totally sure i would never do something like that again!

So as weird as this could sound, i learned to love my sins because they remind me i am a human. I love my sins cause they make me understand better the sins of others. I love my sins cause they taught me my true friends still see me as a friend, not as a sinner. I love my sins because i know they make me fight everyday to become a better person and remind me about the unconditional love God has for all of us.

I must admit that some times i still think of my future husband and get afraid of telling him this cause i think nobody would love me after knowing that part of me. But please. Don´t let your sins scare you and stop you from living your life. Even though there will be people who unfriend or reject you, be sure you will also find people who will see more in you than that. People who will think you are still worthy no matter how big you have sinned.

Just imagine if we never sinned. Maybe we would consider ourselves perfect and never try to become better. Maybe we would never surrender to God. Sins help us to be humble and realize that God is so much bigger than any mistake in our lives.

I hope after reading this you won´t be too scared of the person i am. I honestly wish no one knew this part of me, but i wrote it down praying that this ugly and sinful story will make you feel better in some way. It´s not a post to encourage you to sin, but it is a post to encourage you to forgive others and forgive yourself. We all sin, but we can´t let sins define who we are. I don´t want you to go months and months without sleeping, hating yourself or going through the hell i lived that time (thinking you actually deserve all that).

Instead, just think that if even God forgives you, why wouldn´t you forgive yourself? Our sins are there to remind us we need to go in the other way. Don´t stay inside of them, open the door and let them go away, and work hard everyday so they will never ever come back again.

You are so much more than the mistakes you have made. Don´t get stuck in your sins, the beautiful thing about life is that we can always grow and change. We all have a past and have made mistakes, but as i said.. it is the past and God forgives us every day. 💛

P.S. I want to say sorry to anyone i have ever hurt. Even though i can´t erase my acts, it is because of you that i want to try again and become a better version of myself.

New Prayer Corner!!

I am so thankful for everything my “yellow road” has brought and taught to me. I´m thankful for the people i have connected with; the people who have shared their struggles, dreams and fears with me.

Every time i read from you i wish i could hug you. I wish i could change your situation and take away any pain you feel. I wish i could do more. And sometimes i worry the only thing i can offer you is my words.

But i believe in the power of community. And i believe something wonderful happens when we join together in prayer. Miracles happen. Fear somehow turns into hope.

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My dear yellow readers, i want to know…are you struggling with something? If you answered yes, let me tell you one thing: You are NOT alone. I deeply care about you. I don´t know what season you are going through, but i am here to talk. Tell me anything. Tell me everything. I want to stand with you and support you every step of the way. It´s been laid in my heart to pray more for you.

My dear yellow world seeks to be a safe place where we can talk real and share our vulnerabilities. Where strangers become friends. Where you encounter other people you can relate to; people who believe in you and lift you up. I want to create a supportive space. That´s what i am here for.

So i opened a new prayer corner especially dedicated for you. If you have any prayer request, wether it is for you or for someone you love, just let me know. Never hesitate to write me. I promise i´ll read. I am here for you.

I WANT TO BE A FRIEND FOR YOU. 💛